Desperation

 What causes desperation?

Answer: Living in the three categories of Christian degeneracy.

Failure to understand and use the basic problem solving principles.

Emotional arrogance and emotional revolt of the soul.. Emotional arrogance converts reality into illusion and hallucination.

Emotional arrogance includes: the concept that you cannot be saved unless you feel saved and you are not spiritual unless you feel spiritual.

Emotional revolt of the soul includes: alleged speaking in tongues, fear, worry, anxiety, hatred, anger, guilt, self pity and violence.

The desperate person is the product of his own bad decisions.  

However, he refuses to take the responsibility for his decisions and remains in a state of arrogant subjectivity.  This means loss of humility, objectivity, authority orientation, and the ability to be taught..

The desperate person usually wants to justify his decisions and actions.  He wants marriage counseling that is quick and easy.  He never provides all the facts to the counselor.

To recover, the desperate person must start with the fact that he is still alive, and therefore, God has a plan for his life.  He must rebound, and then decide on a plan of consistent exposure to Bible doctrine.  Since desperation is not the status of application of doctrine, the believer must learn and use the problem solving principles as quickly as possible.

The desperate person always wants sublimation, stimulation, attention, the right to divorce and remarry, and has “restarted” his life many times.  There is no such thing as a new start in life.  Rebound just gives you the opportunity to recover and learn the rules.

Desperate people are not designed to deduce from doctrine the solutions to problems caused by accumulated bad decisions from a position of weakness.  The deeper you dig the hole, the longer it takes you to climb out of it.  This is why divorced people should wait at least a year before remarrying.

l.  Instant solutions are not permanent solutions, You may have separated yourself from the symptoms, but not the disease.

One of the great problems in marriage is the believer’s failure to distinguish between divine policy for marriage and the individual’s personal standards.

1. The divine policy for marriage is threefold:
1. The husband must love the wife.
2. The wife must obey the husband.
3. Each are to forgive as Christ forgave.
2. The difference between leadership and management is the distinction between the concept of policy for an organization and your own personal standards.  Marriage demands the function of policy by the husband, but he does not superimpose his personal standards on his wife.  You apply your personal standards only to yourself, and enforce policy those under your control.  Leadership enforces principle and policy; management superimposes personal standards on others.
3. Husbands fail because they are bureaucrats, bullies, and arrogant managers.  They seek to impose their personal standards on their wives.  This is not the policy of marriage.  Leadership motivates authority and orientation.  Bureaucracy motivates revolt.
4. As the spiritual leader, the husband executes the divine commands given in Ephesians 5.25 and Colossians 3.19.   By fulfilling these mandates the husband becomes the leader in marriage.
5. You cannot change others you can only change yourself.  The policy of marriage is impersonal love, not your personal standards.  The husband has no right to superimpose his personal standards on his wife, only the divine policies of the Word of God.
6. In spiritual growth the believer changes his personal standards to comply with God’s policies from the privacy of his own priesthood.  In apostasy the believer abandons his standards.
1. The standards of spiritual childhood are not the same as the standards of spiritual adulthood.  You do not bully others to live up to your standards.  As you grow spiritually your standards will change.
2. Variation in standards reflects your spiritual status quo or lack of it.  But you don’t give up things to grow up spiritually.  You use the divine problem solving principles to change your own standards.
3. Problem solving demands that the believer understand and use grace mechanics to change his own life and standards.  And he cannot superimpose those standards on another person.  Your personal standards reflect your upbringing, your background, and you don’t superimpose your background on others.
7. The policy of the protocol plan of God belongs to all believers, but your personal standards belong to you.  Only the teaching or doctrine can change someone’s standards.  This is why counseling is not valid.  To superimpose your personal standards on others is polarized legalism.  Only bible doctrine has the power to change the standards that have come from our upbringing and background.
8. In the local church, the pastor is the leader who is responsible for communicating divine policy.  He does this by teaching the Word of God on a consistent basis.
9. In marriage it is essential that each partner maintain the privacy of the other partner by not broadcasting your problems to others.
10. You cannot change your spouse, you can only change yourself. The only changes that count are the changes made form within your own soul through the influence of Bible doctrine.  This is why changes from outside pressure are not valid.  You cannot execute the Christian way of life from the thinking of someone else.  You cannot solve your problems from your own soul as long as you are getting outside help.
11. Your standards reflect your relationship to the Lord.  Your standards do not belong to the other Christians in your fellowship.  They are under the authority of divine standards, not your personal standards. You are responsible to comply with the standards of Christian organizations when you enter those organizations.  This includes such things as observing taboos, the dress code, etc.
12. In the same way the wife enters into the organization of marriage and must comply with its standards.  Both the husband and wife must have impersonal love, which they use as an integrity envelope.  The husband uses his impersonal love to fulfill the command to love his wife.  The wife uses her impersonal love to fulfill the command to obey her husband.  Without impersonal love the husband takes advantage of the wife.  And if the wife has no impersonal love, she has no way of responding to the man.
13. The reason for these two divine rules that form the policy for marriage is that:
1. The husband is the leader; therefore, he initiates love for the enforcement of divine policy.  Impersonal love keeps him from bullying the woman by superimposing his own personal standards rather than the divine policy for marriage.
2. The wife is a follower, and therefore obeys her husband’s enforcement of divine policy without surrendering her privacy or personal standards.  Impersonal love provides the wife with humility and authority orientation, so that she can comply with divine rules while maintaining her own personal standards.
14. Policy belongs to a group; personal standards belong to the individual.  Believers with many different standards assemble for Bible teaching under the policy of the local church.  Your personal standards are subordinate as long as you are under the policy of the group.
15. God designed rules for marriage to make it possible for marriage to be a source of virtue.  Marriage is designed for virtue, and virtue is designed for happiness.  God’s rules provide the virtue.
16. Personal standards that might become an issue in marriage should be resolved, if possible, before marriage.  And after marriage without going outside the home

  Home  Tricks